Have you ever had the experience of cycling through a similar problem again and again until, one glorious day, you land on the question that busts the whole recurring nightmare open?
“And while I am weary of discussing religious trauma, I suppose I’ll have to talk about it until I have finished unraveling its effects…” So real and gives permission to others to do the same.
"I’m a creative person and a communicator, so I was working to craft new images and metaphors, new ways to make myself heard. Surely, I thought, if I find the right words to express myself, he will understand."
I feel this so deeply.
"I have sided with those who dismissed me."
I love that poem so much. Glad to hear your reflections. Glad to think of your joy.
This has been a monumental part of my journey. It was when I read about the depersonalization/derealization symptoms that can accompany cPTSD that everything clicked perfectly into place. The sense of not being real, not being allowed to exist, defined the vast majority of my life. Fighting it all off and claiming myself has led to my greatest joys and breakthroughs. I hope it does the same for you.
I read this in the midst of it all, and it helped (though it may be rather far afield from what you've experienced, the paragraph on self-perception may resonate): https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/what-is-cptsd
“And while I am weary of discussing religious trauma, I suppose I’ll have to talk about it until I have finished unraveling its effects…” So real and gives permission to others to do the same.
"I’m a creative person and a communicator, so I was working to craft new images and metaphors, new ways to make myself heard. Surely, I thought, if I find the right words to express myself, he will understand."
I feel this so deeply.
"I have sided with those who dismissed me."
I love that poem so much. Glad to hear your reflections. Glad to think of your joy.
This has been a monumental part of my journey. It was when I read about the depersonalization/derealization symptoms that can accompany cPTSD that everything clicked perfectly into place. The sense of not being real, not being allowed to exist, defined the vast majority of my life. Fighting it all off and claiming myself has led to my greatest joys and breakthroughs. I hope it does the same for you.
I read this in the midst of it all, and it helped (though it may be rather far afield from what you've experienced, the paragraph on self-perception may resonate): https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/what-is-cptsd